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140,570 Literary Works • 673,474 Reviews
Love Theory. First, capitalize your title. It's not necessary but still...
Second, capitalize everything else.
We lingered in the lamp-lit backseat.
I esteemed myself his bohemian mistress
of lust and possibility, made him promise me more room,
My swaying homage smothered,
by those scant inches edged with breath and yellow --
He sold me drugs (a corrupted veil dissolved the guilt,
that hung about like poison ivy), moaned of love,
Which made me laugh and twist his arms around me.
I also went ahead and put in a few commas.( I'm really not at all good at reviewing!!)
I thought the piece was interesting, playing with emotions, and feelings, and I liked the general concept of it. So...keep writing!